If you are struggling with ADHD and its impact on your mental health, or know someone who is, and you want to gain understanding, then this is for you. My blog will not only give you that understanding, but it will open you up to a world of curiosity, which gives hope as you explore how online ADHD coaching can help you to grow and flourish.
ADHD is still very often misunderstood. Most people associate it with being hyperactive, zoning out, being perpetually late, or living in a whirlwind of chaos. But often what goes unseen is the impact of ADHD on mental health. For those of us with ADHD, it’s not just about the surface-level symptoms that society notices. It’s about how those symptoms shape our self-esteem, our relationships, and even how we see our place in the world.
I know this because I’ve lived it. I was 57 years old when I finally discovered I had ADHD. That late diagnosis was both a relief and a revelation. It helped me make sense of a lifetime of struggles and misunderstandings, but it also opened my eyes to the mental health toll ADHD can take when it’s undiagnosed or unsupported.
In this blog, I want to share the deeper reality of living with ADHD, how the condition profoundly affects mental health, why it’s about so much more than being “scatterbrained,” and how you can begin to heal and thrive with the right support.
ADHD and Mental Health: A Complex Relationship
The connection between ADHD and mental health is undeniable. There are many studies showing that people with ADHD are more likely to experience mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression and OCD. But why does ADHD have such a profound effect on mental health.
ADHD symptoms aren’t isolated quirks, they are very much part of a neurodevelopmental condition, which lead to persistent challenges that shape every aspect of life:
The impact of ADHD on mental health, stems from two primary sources: the internal battles we fight with our own brains and the external pressures we face in a world that misunderstands us.
1. Internal Battles: Living in a Constant Storm
ADHD isn’t just an occasional distraction; it’s a 24/7 experience.
The Overwhelming Mental Load
Imagine your mind constantly running in overdrive, struggling to prioritise a hundred thoughts at once. This mental chaos makes even simple tasks, like remembering to send an email or paying a bill on time, feel monumental. Over time, this constant battle creates chronic stress and anxiety.
The Toll of Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation is a hallmark of ADHD that doesn’t get enough attention. Small frustrations can spiral into overwhelming anger or despair, leaving you emotionally drained. I’ve experienced this firsthand: the tears over forgetting something trivial, the guilt from snapping at a loved one, the shame of feeling “too sensitive.”
Negative Self-Talk
For many of us, ADHD turns into a relentless inner critic. Every missed deadline, every forgotten appointment, every impulsive decision becomes another reason to believe, I’m not good enough.
2. External Pressures: Living in a World That Doesn’t Understand ADHD
ADHD is an invisible condition, and the world often doesn’t make room for its challenges.
Societal Expectations
We live in a society that values productivity, punctuality, and organisation, areas where ADHD brains naturally struggle. When you consistently fall short of these expectations, it’s easy to feel like a failure.
Judgment and Misunderstanding
People with ADHD, either diagnosed or undiagnosed, are often from an early age labelled as lazy, careless, or even selfish. These labels stick. Over time, we begin to internalise them, believing that our struggles are character flaws rather than symptoms of a neurological condition.
Rejection Sensitivity
Many people with ADHD also experience rejection-sensitive dysphoria, an intense emotional reaction to real or perceived criticism. This makes every missed opportunity, every critique, and every failed relationship feel devastatingly personal. This self-doubt erodes confidence, self-esteem, and plants the seeds of depression.
From my own experiences, I remember always feeling like I was working harder than everyone else just to keep up. But no matter how hard I tried, I was always the one who forgot something, got overwhelmed, or didn’t meet expectations. Each of those moments chipped away at my self-esteem, leaving me feeling like I was failing at life in ways others couldn’t see.
How ADHD Symptoms Erode Mental Health
1. Chronic Overwhelm and Anxiety
Living with ADHD often feels like your brain is a web browser with too many tabs open. Even mundane tasks can feel colossal because of the constant juggling act.
For me, the anxiety wasn’t just about missing deadlines or forgetting appointments. It was the gnawing fear of letting people down. This chronic sense of overwhelm builds over time, creating a cycle where anxiety feeds into the chaos ADHD already creates.
2. The Weight of Shame
Shame is one of the heaviest burdens ADHD carries. Forgetting something important or blurting out the wrong thing doesn’t just feel like a mistake, it feels like a personal failing.
When I think about the years before my diagnosis, I see how shame became a shadow over my life. I blamed myself for every missed opportunity and every relationship that didn’t work out. I thought, if only I were better, smarter, more disciplined, I would feel normal. That internalised shame robbed me of joy and self-compassion for far too long.
3. Emotional Dysregulation and Low Mood
One of the lesser-known impacts of ADHD is emotional dysregulation. It’s not just about getting frustrated or teary-eyed easily, it’s about feeling like you can’t control your emotional reactions, no matter how hard you try.
For me, this meant that small setbacks felt like insurmountable failures, and rejection, real or perceived, hit like a tidal wave. These intense emotions often left me feeling emotionally drained and contributed to the bouts of depression. I didn’t even realise why, as I had no awareness I was living with undiagnosed ADHD.
Finding A Way Back: The Power of Understanding
When I was diagnosed at 57, it was like someone handed me the missing piece of a puzzle I’d been trying to solve my entire life. I had been constantly searching for a reason that explained my behaviours. Suddenly, everything made sense, the struggles, the patterns, the feelings I couldn’t explain. It was so empowering to let go of the stories I had made up about myself. My diagnosis wasn’t a magic wand, but what really changed things was learning to approach my ADHD, and myself, with kindness and compassion instead of criticism.
Healing and Thriving with ADHD
Healing from the mental health impacts of ADHD requires more than medication or strategies for time management (though those can help!). It’s about rebuilding your relationship with yourself. Here’s what made the difference for me, and what I now work on with my ADHD coaching clients:
1. Releasing Shame
Understanding that ADHD isn’t a failing, but a neurological difference, was the first step toward releasing shame. When I learned to separate myself from my symptoms, I could finally see my strengths, and they are just as real and as part of me, as my challenges.
2. Creating Structure That Supports, Not Shames
Traditional advice like “just try harder” or “get organised” doesn’t work for ADHD brains. Instead, I focus on creating systems that work for me, ones that account for my needs. And now, for the first time, I celebrate my progression over perfection.
3. Practicing the essential Self-Compassion I deserve.
This was the hardest and most transformative step. Instead of berating myself for mistakes, I started treating myself with the kindness I would show a friend. It’s an ongoing journey, but it’s one that has profoundly changed how I see myself. I’ve gone from not feeling good enough in every area of my life, to I absolutely AM good enough.
How I Can Help You
If you’re reading this and resonating with my story, please know that you’re not alone. ADHD is challenging, but it doesn’t have to define you. Through my work as an ADHD coach, I support women to navigate the challenges of ADHD and most importantly to rebuild the confidence and self-esteem that it often steals.
Whether you’re struggling with the chaos of daily life, battling the shame and self-doubt that comes with years of feeling “different,” or simply looking for strategies that actually work for your brain, I’m here to support you.
ADHD doesn’t define your worth. Yes, it makes life harder in ways others might not see and yes, it can erode your mental health if left unsupported. But with the right tools, understanding, and compassion, you can rewrite your story.
I’ve lived the challenges of ADHD. I’ve felt the weight of shame and the sting of failure. But I’ve also found joy, resilience, and purpose. I want to support you to experience yourself and your life in a way that finally allows you to see and accept yourself, just the way you are.
If you’re ready to take the first step to manage your ADHD, let’s connect. Contact me – (link to coaching page) and let’s arrange a free introduction call, where we can discuss together, how we can create a plan that works for you, one that is rooted in understanding and compassion. Let me help you to change your beliefs to support you, and to finally realise that you are capable of so much more than you think. I am based in Lancashire, but it doesn’t matter where you are, as I work as an ADHD coach, with clients both in the UK and internationally.
